Dear Dater,

When starting out on the online dating journey there are so many unknown factors. Which sites to select; Who to chat with; Who to meet? From there it is – Where to meet? From there it is – Should we meet again? All these can be daunting and take effort and the luck of the dice. What all these unknown factors have in common is they involve external elements. Responses from Adam, availability of venues, scheduling and timing and both yours and Adams judgements.

Another factor in the online dating journey, that you seemingly have much less control of, and almost certainly no knowledge of, is your own internal subconscious subtlety.  In part it is your protection mechanism. It is guarding your heart. It seems to be working in your best interest – under cover.

But do you really want this silent partner on your date? Is this unknown undercurrent useful? At times it may seem handy, but at other times you’d just be better of chilling out.

As I consider times when I’ve appreciated my subconscious messages I find there are times when I recognise traits or circumstances that I’ve not previously encountered where my brain informs me –

• This is not what I’m looking for.
• This is not going to work out.  

My subconscious messages also works to inform me about what I am attracted to. How much effort Adam has made with his appearance on the date and whether he has a spark about him – A fun side with energy and pizzazz.

Our subconscious seems to be working over-time on the dating scene. It is important to take care of following your subconscious subtlety blindly. The biggest disadvantage of your subconscious subtlety is that is it fed by your past. Life with past Adams have got you onto the dating circuit, so the ‘happy ever after’ fairy story hasn’t worked out for you.    

Checking in with how you are feeling is one way to harness your subconscious. Let it give you the messages about what it happening with you and Adam – on the date – right now – in real time. These are the most reliable signals you’ll get. If you let your mind take over and go down rabbit holes of the past you could end up anywhere and the Adam you’re on a date with will not factor in your fictitious journey at all.

It is this Adam, on this date, that matters now. This is the result of your efforts, choices and joint circumstances. Pay attention to what is being said. The vibe. The atmosphere. These are the things that will shape a relationship if you chose to keep dating this Adam. Make your choices based on reality, not your past or your romanticized future. [Swanning Eve].

Let me know what your subconscious subtlety has done for you.

Here’s to clarity!

Surely Eve