Dear Dater,

When you are with Adam do you do activities together or do you do your own activities at the same time? Are you forming a team and developing your relationship and world? Or are you working side by side as two individuals? Observing this and identifying which of these you are doing is the first step in understanding how you and Adam are shaping your relationship.

I’ve found that when dating Adams patterns set themselves up faster than I expected. There are [Sleeping Patterns Eve] and there are [Shaping Your Life Eve]. There are many factors that come into play when you and Adam are dating.

Everyone needs time to themselves. Time to pursue what they are passionate about. These times help rejuvenate us. But this post is about the times we are spending with Adam. These times may be planned, or spontaneous. These times are when we are finding out about each other and the world around us. These times are when we are ‘trying anything once’ – As so many profiles claim. There are just so many things we learn about each other during these times. 

• Who cooks the best breakfast?
• Is the coffee on offer up to scratch?
• Are you trying new things?
• How often are you catching up?
• Are you able to overcome obstacles?
• Are you expanding your life?

Dating is a way to establish our likes and dislikes. To come up with fun ways to combine things we love to do. I recently heard about a date where photography was the interest that both people enjoyed. Photography as a date theme has so many possibilities! Walking on dates is something I’ve always enjoyed. You may prefer running or swimming. The best bit about all of this is that you and Adam get to choose. You are the ones coming up with the ideas and trying them out.   You are the ones creating the fun in your lives. You are the ones getting to know each other.

As you keep dating see if you are both contributing to the dating ideas. See if you are both willing to ’try new things’. (I really can’t take that term seriously). Or maybe you are always booking the restaurants or accommodation? Or maybe Adam is organising the surprise dinner dates? Just notice what is happening. See if there is input from both of you, or if it is one sided. If it is one sided is it because one of you is not making an effort, or because there is no room to get an edge in.

Noticing all these things is useful as it is your relationship developing. It is either developing with you and Adam making a conscious effort – or it is growing of its own accord – with one of the other of you making effort. [Slipping Away Eve].  At times you may find that neither of you is making effort. In this case ask yourself – Is this worth it?

The reason noticing is important is because your relationship will not change much over time. You will get into the groove and patterns will form. It is up to you and Adam to shape these patterns so that your relationship develops. Often there’s a belief that – If we get married it’ll be different, or if we move in together it will be different. Yes some elements will be different, but how you are together will be the same.  Do you support each other [Supporting Eve]? Do you talk matters through? Do you plan things together? [Situations Change Eve] and [Space for Eve] show how there are many elements that factor in how we live our lives and how we date.

Here’s to your dates and relationship being magical!

Surely Eve