Dear Dater,

This blog is related to [Shaping our Lives Eve]. It amazes me how some Adams I’ve met live such small lives. Some people looking at my life may regard that it is a small life, but compared to others mine seems to be vast.  What I am referring to are the people who live in one place, go to the same shops, don’t have regular hobbies, don’t see friends regularly.  Adams who only seem to talk about their washing and their ex-wife. Surely there is more to life than that? If that’s your whole life then maybe you should just back with your ex?

What happened to hobbies and interests in life? What happened to an awareness of the world around you? What happened to creating interesting dates? What happened to flowing conversation? All these elements help with connecting and being able to have flowing conversations. Without them Adam can seem like an empty peanut shell – nothing interesting going on here.

Overtime I’ve discovered various version of this with Adams like:

• Adams who live in a small unit just down the road from his ex-wife
• Adams who show little interest in their family
• Adams who’s stories all seem to relate to friends they used to have
• Adams who suggest shared interests, but over time these are rarely done
• Adams who talk about ex Eves more than anything else
• Adams who spend a lot of time at home

All of this is relative. It is based on my view of the world and my values. That is what I understand. That is my measuring stick. I know that no-one else is going to have the same view and values as me, but I think it is useful to see how Adams live.

I think there is a sort of ‘get up and go’ measure. This is about how motivated and active a person is. There are the ‘never stop going’ types – mountain climbers, deep sea divers, marathon runners.  You know the type.  Then there are the ‘motivated’ types who love a morning work, going to the gym, photography or playing music. Then there are the ‘hard to motivate’ types who are all talk and no action types.

This ‘hard to motivate’ group are the small life Adams. They haven’t expanded their own lives so they don’t want it expanded by someone else.

Finding an Adam with the same type as you is what works. If you are the ‘never stop going’ type you will need to find an Adam with the same energy level. If you are the ‘hard to motivate’ happy to sit on the lounge type then you will not want to be dragged on walks and photographing sunrises.

It is great when you date an Adam with a corelating type. You just enjoy each other’s company so much more. You enjoy the same activity levels. You do fun stuff together. You appreciate the things you do together. It really works to build your relationship.

So here’s to you finding an active Adam!

Let me know if photographing sunrises is your thing.

Surely Eve