Dear Dater,

It turns out dating profiles have changed considerably over the past few years. Many sites now seem to have replaced 300 questions with 3 short sentences. Once again I am reminded not to believe everything I read on the internet. As I was searching for these short flashy statements, designed to attract attention from your desired partner, I found an article with ‘great’ examples. Trust me they weren’t. They were so bad that I’m not even going to include one here. Reading them and finding this new short, sharp approach I wondered how anyone can provide a snap shot of themselves in two statements. I suspect that the pictures that accompany your statement have a lot more to do with your success rate. Apparently, these shorter profiles are because our attention spans are getting shorter.  I expect it may have something to do with why dates are getting shorter too.

Another thing that seems to have changed over the past few years is your ability to search sites without being logged in. It seems there is no ‘try before you buy’ anymore. Or maybe I’m just not trying very hard as I don’t need the algorithms to go berserk – if you know what I mean?

I’m also fascinated to find that sites are offering to write these eye catching, snappy statements for you. How on earth does a complete stranger know you well enough to capture your essence in 3 sentences? Once again I’m reminded not to believe everything you read on the internet….. The sentences being purchased by you (if you are so inclined) are much more likely to send algorithms berserk than have any baring on what you are actually like. Very likely no resemblance at all actually.

Writing online profiles for Adams suggestions include:

• opening with an interesting travel story.  

How does this work in our COVID world? Our travel restrictions? Even before these restrictions are people hinting that they hit the Caribbean ‘as often as possible’. How does this translate? That Adam is at the Caribbean every second weekend or that Adam has been once. Both these could be ‘as often as possible’.

• Illustrate, rather than list your qualities. Your writing needs to create a sense of who you are and have the reader come along for the journey – wanting to be part of the action.

So here are some examples. A ‘Two truths and a lie bio”

                – I teach foam art classes at Metropolis Café

                – my cat plays fetch better than any dog

                – I took ballet lessons for 7 years

Is this truth and lie idea really the best start? I guess there are so many lies in profiles and online dating why not just state it outright from the start? I guess it makes you wonder which one is the lie – which would be the point. This is intriguing as each pair of statements brings to mind quite a different person. See what I mean?

Another example –

                Can recite every line from The Princess Bride

                Put any random foods in front of me and I can whip up a delicious dish

The Princess Bride is a fabulous movie – one of my favourites. Being able to recite every line is an interesting attribute. I’d be more interested to know how frequently the reciting occurs? More importantly -Does it ever stop?

The second point is one of the most practical point of all examples. It leaves me both intrigued and wanting to pose the challenge.

Another example –          

                About me: Works hard all week so I can take off for the mountain on the weekend, loves my        dog Eddie, loves to argue on first dates, isn’t afraid to make a fool of myself on a dance floor 

About you: Loves adventures and outdoors, understands me when I’m hangry, isn’t afraid to talk politics, is down to watching all three Back to the Futures with me.

I heard about an Eve who was dating an Adam where Adam was keen to watch all the Fast and the Furious movies with Eve – and there’s way more than 3 of those. Apparently, Eve’s Mum’s attitude was – Good luck with that. 

Another example –         

                – Good drink

                – [random irrelevant fact]

                – Oreos

                -Pizza

Does that really make an Adam sound appealing in any way? Their three facts are they drink while eating pizza and cookies. Are there Eve’s that are searching high and low for this impressive combination?

Another example-               

  I like beer, science, being outside, being inside, bagels, picking up iron and twelve other generic human interests.

The article claims this is “A really good example of what works for most Eves”.

I mustn’t be “most Eves”. My Eve perspective – To start any list about yourself with beer says way too much about you. Science is fine and should be encouraged, but it is very broad. Are you an entomologist or a Petrie dish cleaner? The outside inside option must be the latest version of ‘I like a night out and I like a night in.’ It really doesn’t say anything about Adam’s preferences. Does outside mean mountain climbing, water skiing, or sitting in a park? Does inside mean cooking a delicious meal, going to the gym or sitting on the lounge watching Netflix? “Picking up iron” Given I’m not a gym junkie I’m not sure if this means doing weights or ironing a shirt. The generic human interests I’m sure is supposed to intrigue. For me the use of the word generic makes the statement bland – Sort of just like everybody else.

So now I’ve ended up doing what I started this spiel by saying you shouldn’t have others write your profile. Clearly I can’t help myself. To show what’s possible here are my rewrites.

                As an entomologist science fascinates me. Rock climbing & bike riding have me in nature                 before I relax in my comfy lounge.

Four more words forming quite a different image. Obviously put in the job you actually have and the hobbies you actually enjoy. You may have noticed my rewrite left out beer. If you want to keep it in you can add ‘with a beer.’ at the end.

Another sample profile –              

                Guitar and music is my hobby. Jesus, fatherhood and hiking is my life. Coffee in the           morning, wine and whiskey at night.

As an Eve I’d prefer grammatically

Guitar and heavy metal music are my hobbies. Fatherhood and hiking light up my life. Can’t live without my morning coffee, wine and whiskey at night. Jesus doesn’t notice my drinking problem.

(I’d still know to swipe left)

Here’s another variation from me.

                Guitar and Flamenco music are my hobbies. Fatherhood and hiking light up my life. Can’t live        without my morning coffee. Fine wine and whiskey at night.

Gives another image and insight

Here’s my condensed version

                Guitar, punk-rock music, hiking, being a Dad and Jesus light up my life. Coffee starts my day.         Wine and whiskey finish it.

With the same word count as the original – similar message. The addition of the type of music helps Eve understand if there are similarities and a potential connection. These three rewrites for me just give a better insight into Adam – well as much as 3 sentences can. As always nothing works as well as messaging for a while – Seeing if you have enough in common to meet up – and if so, meeting up. With each meeting you see what Adam really has to offer.  

I guess, in summary, if you have three sentences to start a connection and to describe yourself make them good ones.

Adams are advised to add their own personalities and preferences. So one more rewrite

                Rainforests, walks, meditation and being a great Dad light me up. Helping people reach their         potential is another hobby of mine. Contact me if green is your thing.

Here’s to your profile intriguing and attracting your ideal partner – or at least leading to a few great dates.

Let me know how you find these 3 sentence profiles.

(I suspect photos play a huge part.)

Surely Eve