Dear Dater

Over time things change. Sometimes it is our memory of things. At other times it is the perception of things that changes. Here’s what I mean. I’ve just watched Vertigo – Alfred Hitchcock’s movie. I haven’t seen it for a very long time. I remembered parts of the movie. Watching it today I found the parts I didn’t remember were the most alarming parts.

Not wanting to give too much away – if you haven’t seen it – the main man sees a woman who reminds him of someone he knew. He then follows her to her place, asks her to have dinner with him and asks to see her again tomorrow. They continue to meet with him getting weirder and weirder. He wants her to look like the woman he knew, so buys her the clothes she wore, has her hair dyed the same colour and insists on it being done the same way.  This is all just too strange.

It makes me wonder if the movie would be changed if it were made today. As a society would we now look at these element of the movie as too creepy? Or was that always what was intended? That Adams efforts to duplicate another Eve were alarming – regardless of what year you were watching the movie.

Hopefully now days Adams are seeing Eves as who they are, rather than expecting them be someone else. Recognising people for who they are is a crucial part of dating.

It is always important to see each person you’re dating as an individual. This Adam won’t have the same likes and dislikes as other Adams. This Adam won’t have done the same things as other Adams. You and the Adam you are dating make a unique partnership. You are forming a special relationship. Bringing traces of past relationships into your current relationship is going to complicate matters.

I’ve found myself continuing to do things because a previous Adam liked it. On one level I guess it is part of me mapping out what people like over time and expecting that these things will be liked by others. On another level I realise it is very unlikely that the Adam I’m currently seeing has any inkling of the beauty of listening to rain on the roof or walking through rainforest.

What is it you’re planning for 2022? Are you wiping the slate clean and starting afresh? Are you clearing out the baggage and bring a new lease of life and energy to the New Year? What is it you’re looking forward to?

Wishing you a wonderful 2022!

Here’s to a new chapter of your marvellous story.

Surely Eve