Dear Dater

I was asked to write this Surly Eve entry a long time ago. Surly means rude, grumpy, short-tempered, disagreeable and crabby. These aren’t behaviours usually associated with dating.  But unfortunately, there are definitely times to be surly on the online dating journey.  There are times to be angry, upset and frustrated. Surly Eve appears for me when I’m realising things are not going to plan.

Other times that spring to mind when Surly Eve appeared –

Times of heartache when I was told goodbye at Christmas time

Times of disappointment when I realised I was alone in my relationship

Times of feeling trapped as I realised the Adam I was with is not who I thought they were

Times when Adam asks why I’m not meeting more when Adam has no time in his schedule

Times when I can see who Adam is from their stories but they have no self-awareness

Times when Adam takes me on a ride of lies

Times when I realise there’s more to a relationship than convenience

Times when Adam does not respond well to goodbye

Times when Adam gives advice about topics he has no experience with

Times when Adam’s invitations are hollow

All these occasions warrant surly responses but it is up to you how and when you react. No matter what you are dealing with you always have the final say in how you deliver your message. At the time it doesn’t always feel like that. Your feelings can just boil inside you and burst out – seemingly of their own accord. There are times when I’ve driven off in a storm (both figuratively and literally). Other times I just stop communicating. Silence is often easier than anger. There is often no longer any point to continue dating Adam once these circumstances have played out.

Being true to yourself and your values is what is important at these times. Knowing there is no point in continuing to seeing Adam can give you a great sense of relief and freedom. You know when this time comes. Getting your priorities straight and your life sorted out is more important than getting angry.

Do what’s right for you.

Let me know if this resonates with you.

Hoping not too many of your dates need your surly side.

Surly Eve