Slow and Steady Eve

Dear Dater,

We live in a fast-paced world. We expect what we want to show up on our doorsteps moments after we’ve ordered it.  Our online world is at our fingertips.  [Spending Habits Eve]

Or should I saw we did live in a fast-paced world? Before [Social Distancing Eve]. We are now seeing the impact of very few flights, anywhere around the world, on the speed and cost of shipping of our online orders.  We are reconsidering whether we need our items as fast – or at all?  We are also noticing the globalisation, we all took for granted, has come tumbling down. For me I think having our world and our mind-set slow down a bit can be advantageous.

We seem to be taking a similar approach to online dating and meeting Adams.  We expect an unlimited supply of Adams and we want them now!  But maybe we should learn from Corona Virus and take a slower approach?  Apply an old fashioned dating approach where you meet Adam for dinner, then another dinner, then go for the home cooked meal. Perhaps a walk along the river?  Slow and steady style. Perhaps some slow dancing? Take time to get to know each other.  This contrasts with the fast-paced meet Adam 1, move onto Adam 2, try out Adam 3.  Or have them all at the same time?  Apparently, this saves time and is a heap of fun.

By stretching out the time we get to know each other we will find out more about each other.  Often we are fast to write off an Adam – for whatever reason – based on a whim, or a feeling, or a previous experience [Shaped by the Past Eve]. Is this instant gratification attitude that we have adopted, in our fast paced world, bringing on our demanding expectations?

Work on finding common ground.  Laughing together. Have no expectations.  Sense whether you are feeling comfortable and at ease. Or is there unexplained tension?  As Annie Lennox sings – Be true to yourself and you can’t go wrong. You know if it feels right.

I was watching a Utube clip recently where the presenter was suggesting that for attraction to start all you need to do at first is ‘Be seen.’ Turn up and walk away. No communication. No winking and waving. Just be seen.  This is definitely not the approach taken by online daters of today.  The online dating world can feel a bit like a spin drier at times – zooming around at 1,000 revolutions a minute, with nothing stable to cling on to.  At other times the spin drier stops and you find yourself feeling warm and fuzzy – knowing ‘This is the life.’

The ‘be seen’ element is now addressed by posting photos on your chosen online dating site. You no longer have to get out and about to ‘be seen’. You just set up your site and see what happens.  The initial blur of being inundated by interested Adams may have you wondering what on earth you just did.  Now with social distancing we can’t ‘be seen’ at [Spots Around Town Eve]. So we make the most of chat rooms and texts. We have been forced to slow down.

Maybe this old fashion approach will do us good. It works for tortoises.

Let me know whether you’re in the spin dryer – Or feeling silky smooth and raring to go.

Surely Eve

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