Dear Dater,

Some people collect Exs – You know the ones I mean? It is known as “Friends with benefits” – where you meet up with your ex partner for sex if you feel like it. I can see that if you are looking for a bit on the side – without any complicated emotional attachment or expectation (in theory) – then “Friends with benefits” would have appeal.  But this is not my style. I am not interest in collecting specimens from the past. I walk away clean. But for me there is always mixed feelings such as:

• Oh no – what if I bump into an Ex Adam?
• What if I’d done something different?
• It’s ok. I won’t see this Ex Adam again.

Sometimes I do bump into ex Adams. I have walked past two near my work.  Strangely the place I saw the two ex Adams was almost the identical spot, just on different days.  One of them I wasn’t sure whether it was him or not…. Until I got the ‘hello’ text from him out of the blue that night.  Seems like we both recognised each other. The other Adam I really don’t know if he would recognise me. We met a long time ago. He was one of the funniest Adams I met, but sadly not very truthful.  He was lots of fun though.

I walked past another Ex Adam while on a date with a new Adam.  He was the ex Adam who plays music with friends every year. [Scheduling Eve] He was a lovely Adam.  Another Adam I saw at the movies on a date. This sent my mind into a frenzy of trying to remember his name. I could remember all sorts of things about him. [Senses and Lenses] Finally I remembered his name. One of the things that was intriguing me about this Adam was he was all over the Eve he was with on his date. He had never shown me the same level of interest.

When I see these Adams I know that where I am is the right place to be and who I am seeing is the right Adam to be seeing.  The hand of fate has been dealt and we all move around the chess board of life.

It works for me to be in one relationship at a time. To give my time to one Adam and get to know them. My life is busy enough as it is without dating multiple Adams or meeting up with past Adams for a quickie.  I expect the same from the Adam that I am seeing.

The most important thing a dater can do is to really leave their Exs behind. Bringing them into a current relationship – wishing things had turned out differently with the previous Eve – is not a good foundation for being with the current Eve. It doesn’t make the current Eve feel like she is being appreciated or at times even being seen.  This message is true for Eves too. Leave your past Adams our of your current relationship.

I have a theory that some of us are so busy collecting do and don’t of past Adams, that we don’t see the Adam right in front of our eyes. Do you know what I mean?

Love the one you’re with – as the song goes.

Let me know if your seeing double or whether you’re focused on just that special one.

(Since writing this I have seen more ex Adams so I will follow this up with Seeing Double Twice Eve shortly)

Surely Eve