Dear Dater,

Have you bought any new jeans recently?

The other day I went in search of a new pair of jeans.  I used to think jeans were all the same and any pair of jeans would be ok.  Over time this view has changed and I take my renewed view on a shopping trip with my sister.  She’s searching for work pants. We try a middle of the road store.  While my sister is trying on her pants I wander around looking at the many pairs of jeans.  These jeans are very reasonably priced. Some are black, others grey. Some are darker blue, others faded. They look great – until I realise they have no pockets.  Jeans with no pockets? – This is crazy.  Cost savings measures gone mad.  How can jeans have no pockets???

As I check out all the jeans in this shop they all have the same downfall.  No pockets.

On to another store.  This one just stocks womens’ clothing.  Nothing spectacular.  What is spectacular here is the price of the few pairs of jeans in the store.  Wow.  There is no way I am paying that money for jeans in this shop.  These two phenomena just don’t align for me.

Next shop my sister suggests is a specialist store for house riding gear.  Clothing in this shop comes with a high price tag.  Again while my sister tries on options I browse the shelves.  There are so many options.  The fabric is great quality, the pocket designs are interesting.  There are so many shades of blue or black.  I start to collect jeans to try on. Brand Name Jeans.  The ones with the serious price tags. Interestingly not much more than the last shop.  My bias has me refuse to even try the last shops offerings on.  Here I am breathing it all in.

My sister has different spending habits to me.  She has found two colours and styles she likes and decides that both of them are required.  She makes her choice with ease.  Now it’s my turn….

I try on a few options.  Not quite what I’m after.  The shop assistant gives me another pair to try.  These seem to meet all my requirements:

• Look good
• comfortable,
• so easy to wear.

I’ll take them!!

Part of me can’t believe I have just paid this much for a pair of jeans.  Oh well it’s only money and they seem great  until I put them on at home….

Wearing them  – they are falling down.. I’m constantly hitching them up.  Why did I buy these jeans?  Like shoes tried on in the shoe shop never have anything wrong with them. – Get them home and the blisters become bigger than Ben Hur.  Having taken the tags off my jeans I don’t think I can return them.   AARRrrghhhh I think through some options :

• Put up with them – Getting less and less of a good option
• never wear them – What a waste
• sew some darts in the waist –  Bulky with jeans and it may not work
• get a belt – Where would I get one? And would it work?

The belt seems like the most viable option.  I find one five minutes before the store I was in closed.  It seems to be what I’m looking for.  Excited I take it home to try it out…..

Incredible – all my problems are solved.  This minor change makes my jeans completely ‘invisible’.  Instead of falling down and getting hoiked up all the time – with a belt the fabric molds to my body and becomes a part of me – rather than being incredibly annoying.

This slight change has altered my world. It is fantastic. I can wear my priceless jeans.

Why am I telling you about my jeans?

I think there are parallels between jeans, Adams and relationships….

We search for an suitable Adam.  With our particular requirements collected over time.     (jeans with pockets, the right colour and from the right store)

We find the right Adam and start a relationship.  Our world is glorious.  We are floating nothing can go wrong
(We have found the perfect jeans and buy them.)

We are on top of the world. We are with an Adam that :

• Looks great
• Fits into our life and
• Everything seems so easy

We spend some time with our Adam and not all is well                                                                (We get home with the jeans and they are falling down)

We wonder why we did this?  Why this Adam?

We can get fixated on an issue.  It stays with us day and night.  We want to scream when it happens.  Why does it always happen? Can’t they just be perfect?  Can’t they just stop doing that thing?

You know what I mean?  You will have your own examples.  The lid off the coffee. The knife with jam left on the bench.  The car parked too close to the door…

In this day and age these are all classed as ‘first world problems’. Reading them in this list even that term is a stretch.  These are minor issues – that somehow drive us crazy.

We can change this list of minor gripes in a moment – without major changes in circumstances or major changes in other people’s behaviour.  How? you may ask –         By changing your own attitude.  This mind shift is the equivalent of my belt.  A minor change that works wonders.

Do you need to start world war three every time there is a coffee mark on the kitchen bench?  Is it the end of the world when the last of the milk has been drunk?  The vacuuming really can wait for another day.  Minor changes in your own attitude – getting these gripes into perspective – frees you up.  Don’t waste the prime real estate, that is your mind, working yourself up into a frenzy.

Let go of the internal complaining and wonder at the world around you.  Enjoy the beauty of nature, the light in the trees, have conversations with the people around you about topics you enjoy rather than repeat the same old complaints.  Life it too short.

Make a small change in your attitude and watch your world blossom.

“Buy a belt” and see how your relationship has so many wonderful elements!!!!

Have you made any small and wonderful changes lately?

Let me know what is working for you.

Surely Eve