Dear Dater

We are all busy people these days. This is partially because we fill up the time we have.

One of my favourite analogies of life is to treat you life like a bucket.  Fill it with boulders that represent the things that are important to you:

Relationships

Family

Being creative

Doing things you love

The rest of your life will be the sand and gravel that works around these important elements.  For me this is best explained with a few examples.  Everyone who has had a baby knows that they wonder what they did with their time before they had a baby.  Then when you’ve had two babies you realise one baby was a ‘so easy’.

Another example is if you have a trip planned, or a party to prepare for, then the usual house work fits into the shorten time frames – around the important elements.  Without these important elements the small jobs fill the whole space. I hope you can see similar things happening in your life.

Recently I’d had a date with an Adam.  He said you had 100% care for his kids. Occasionally his Ex Eve would see the kids during the weekend.  He spent this time renovating his house.  The photos looked good. He was doing a great job of the renovations.  Adam kept texting to say he would ring tonight.  Next day I would get: Sorry I fell asleep on the lounge; I was paying the bills.  To meet this Adam had to work around the time his kids worked.  As I was finding I also had to work around his sleeping and bill paying.  I thought to myself – I have to pay bills too – I have to look after kids and sleep too.  Adam’s lack of communication indicated to me that Adam didn’t regard me as a boulder.  It seemed to me I was barely a grain of sand in this Adam’s life.

Another Adam also had his kids 100% of the time.  He was a charmer and told me I was beautiful.  [Supporting Eve].  Again me meeting up with him fitted in around his kids’ work.  We met up a few times.  His birthday; brunch before his holiday; lunch on the weekend.  He was keen to see more of me. I felt the same way.  [Scheduling] just didn’t work for us.  I also wondered whether kids for 100% of the time translates to ‘along with the current Eve’?

Chatting with one Adam I was getting one or two sentences per message.  After a month I found Adam works night shift on weekends and works another job during the week.  All this is to pay off his mortgage.  I fully support paying off your mortgage.  But take a look at your life and see if you have room left for ‘living’.  Do you have time for your hobbies? To catch up with friends? To go on dates?  If you don’t fit any of these things in your life how are you going to fit in a relationship?  I never asked to meet this Adam. I just didn’t expect we would ever see each other.

Believe me making the time for a relationship is worth it.

I live my life knowing I can fit in what I want.

Does your life have room for Adam?

Let me know how you’re going squeezing Adam in.

One thing I know for sure is that when you and Adam have a real connection there is always a way.

Surely Eve