Dear Dater,

One of the catch phrases of the moment is – What does success look like?

I wanted to apply this question to online dating  – What does online dating success look like?

Recently I was reading a guide on job searches and interviews. This book suggested that as only one person gets the job then ‘getting the job’ shouldn’t be one of your measures of success. In a way this amuses me. Surely ‘getting the job’ is the reason you’re applying!

So if we apply this to online dating  – Should we eliminate ‘getting the Adam’ as a measure of success?

Then we would have to assess the definition of ‘getting the Adam’.

Would ‘getting the Adam’ mean:

• you and Adam were sexting?
• you went on a date or two with Adam?
• you slept with Adam?
• or as an Adam recently put to me ‘You were emotionally involved with Adam’?
• the length of time you went out with Adam?
• you moved in with Adam? Or
• you married Adam?

Your interpretation of success depends on your desire to do these things.  For example I don’t do sexting.  But applying this to fact that now apparently 1/3 of online daters will never meet – I imagine that that group sees sexting as success.

Recently I was reading a report on the assessment of whether a business had met the proposed targets after 10 years.  One of the tricky things about measuring this was that there weren’t too many specified targets set 10 years ago to measure against. This got me thinking ….

The online dating journey for me has given me levels of success I could never have imagined before I experienced the adventure.  The list above are probably measures I would have developed at the start of my online dating adventures. The list below are successes I have discovered while on the adventure:

• Getting out and glamming up
• lots of great company, conversations and delicious meals
• being speechless can be so much fun [Speechless Eve]
• wonderful sensations and sexual experiences [Sexy Eve]
• a personal internal dating map [Spots around town Eve]
• renewed faith in quality relationships
• a new understanding of individuals and desires

To bring in another popular phrase – Let’s apply ‘It’s not about reaching the destination it is about the journey.’  Make sure you take time to reflect on your successes as you work through the emotional turmoil of online dating.

Wishing you every success on your online dating adventures in 2018!

Let me know what online dating success means for you.

Surely Eve