Spiel of Spiegel Eve

Dear Dater,

This heading is German and translates as ‘Game of Mirrors’.  Rather fitting for online dating, for any number of reasons.

When I go onto online dating sites I just want to get off them.  This lead me to meet up with Adams that I shouldn’t have.  Especially when I first started online dating.  I didn’t realise that my views counted.  I didn’t realise how the online dating game is played.  I didn’t realise that we are all playing slightly different games.

From my experience some of the games Adams play are:

  • find a younger Eve
  • meet many Eves simultaneously
  • have an Eve on the side
  • stay as free as the wind
  • stay secretive
  • sex for six months.

So many online dating profiles by Adams say things like ‘No mind games’.  Do the games listed above count as ‘mind’ games?  I don’t think they do – rather I think these are reflections of Adam’s beliefs and wishes.

Do Eves play different games to Adams?  This is pretty likely given that each Adam plays a slightly different game.  One thing I have discovered is don’t expect the next Adam to play the same game as the last.

This makes me wonder what games I am percieved to be playing by Adams?  Turning the mirror back on ourselves – What do we see?  I’ve been accused of:

  • being scared of commitment
  • being without a free spirit
  • never growing up and
  • being a smiling saint.

What can I make of these?  It is suggested that critiscims of others stem from our own views/beliefs/insecurities.  This suggests perhaps that the mirror should be turned back again.  We end up with one of those wonderful images of a reflection of a reflection of a reflection of a reflection.  Never really knowing what is and what isn’t.  Is it all just smoke and mirrors?  Very likely.  Another image fit for online dating for any number of reasons.

Do we only see what we want to see?

Do we really look at what is on front of us?

If we do, do we recognise it for what it truely is?

Recently a show mentioning online dating suggested online dating was not about the ‘happily ever after’, but rather ‘the journey’.  The journey is definately a roller coaster ride.  The ups and the downs.  I keep coming back to the point that if Adams and Eves believe there is a limitless supply of potential dates then there is no reason for anyone to stay together.

This ‘Freedom for All’ is exactly what is getting us together – and keeping us apart.

Whatever game you’re playing – Be true to your heart.

Let me know about your games.

Surely Eve

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