Dear Dater,

I have been planning to write about this topic for a long time.  Now is the right time.  Sometimes Adams still do the right thing by you and break up with you in person.  (Rather than by Splitting Cells Eve).  So I’ve been invited on an afternoon walk.  I find this a little surprising given the alternative could have been dinner, movies and a sleep-over.  Half way along the walk I’m told we’ve never had a ‘serious’ talk during the time we’ve been dating.  Ok I said – well let’s have a ‘serious’ conversation….

Excerpts from the ‘serious’ talk go something like this….’You have the loveliest smile and I am taken in by your infectious laugh every time we meet… You are the most warm-hearted mother I’ve ever met… I’m not ready for a relationship and you deserve to be with someone who gives you the time you deserve. … I would still like to be your friend’.  (To which I replied ‘I like kissing you too much to be friends’)…. ‘I like kissing you too’.

Well where does this leave me? Other than crying in the arms of this Adam…

Sad

Where does this leave me?  Well it seems having one ‘serious’ conversation in your relationship is a strange approach.  I guess I found ‘serious’ was code for ‘leaving you’ conversation.

Where does this leave me?  Wondering if my lovely smile, infectious laugh and warm heartedness isn’t working for Adams then what on earth does?

Where does this leave me? Wondering why – as I’ve been here many times before – why is it still so hard?  Why am I sad?

Shows I’ve seen on living a wonderful fullfilled life tell me that it’s important to let yourself be sad.  That you shouldn’t bottle up your emotions.  That on the journey of life the peaks and troughs have us elated and upset.  This is fine to see on television, but a lot harder to experience.  I do agree with it, but there is no doubt now that I would rather it be someone else than me.

It is ok to be sad, but I watch myself distract my emotions by finishing a book, playing games on my cell phone, writing this and feeling like doing nothing.  The items on my to-do list don’t have enough pull.  The conversations with my friends are postponed.

Online dating is a roller coaster ride.  There is no doubt about it – you will feel sad.  It is ok.  What you do with it – how long you are caught up in it – and the impact on you and those around you is all up to you.  Time for me to adopt the Savouring Eve approach.  After one fantastic relationship ended I meditated until I fell asleep.  I knew my brain didn’t want to dwell on the shock and the pain.  The sadness comes to me even when I’m having those ‘final’ conversations with Adams I hardly know.  Even when I’m the one doing the breaking up.

Sadness is a sign you are human.  Don’t dull your senses, but I do advise finding a friend to laugh with sooner rather than later.  As the dating websites tell us the ending of one relationship brings us closer to finding the ‘right’ one… There’s a famous sportsman who is quoted as saying something like I am so successful at what I do because I’ve failed so many times.  I apply that spirit to online dating.

Ending relationships is never easy.

But…. Bring on the elation.

To show we are all in the same boat let me know about your sad times.

Surely Eve