Dear Dater,

Expectations of most of us in the modern day seem to be extremely high and unrealistic.  What I mean by this is we all seem to be searching for perfection.  Prince Charming has to have a high paying job, a sports car, want to spend all his spare time with you (at the times that suit you), have the same taste in music, restaurants and movies. Oh and of course have the same wishes regarding kids that you have.

Well here’s a test for all of us ‘searching for perfection’ types.  Write a list of the expectations you have for an Adam.  Make it as long or as short as you see fit.  Now think of a close friend.  Look at each of the expectations on your wish list and see if your friend ‘ticks all the boxes’.  Now try the expectations against another close friend, or a family member, or both.  What are you finding out about your expectations and reality?  Are they perhaps unrealistic?

Now see if YOU ‘tick all the boxes’?  Are you expecting more of others than you yourself can deliver?  Do you realise that you are not perfect?  – so why should anyone else be?  Surely a better place to start (and continue) a relationship is from a place of acceptance?

What is it about being in a relationship that brings out these demands of Adam?  Years ago I did a self-awareness program that talked about loving someone “exactly as they are and exactly as they aren’t”.  One translation of this is people aren’t going to change.  This is what you get – so accept it just as it is.  I use this statement as a reality check.  What is it that you have and what it is that you don’t have? [Slipping Away Eve]

Personally I think it is your outlook on life that has the most impact on your relationships.  If you are a happy-go-lucky type, who goes with the flow – the people around you seem to be friendly and helpful.  If you are down-in-the-dumps   – the people around you are low life losers who aren’t good enough.  With this attitude comes the picky whingeing from Eve to Adam…… Quite frankly who wants to have that in a relationship?  Look around you though – isn’t this a common trait in many relationships?

I challenge you to try this out over the next few days.  Firstly think of a wonderful experience you’ve had.  It might be recent, or it might be from when you were a child.  Think about that time.  Image what you were doing.  Tap into the feelings that you were experiencing in that moment.  Let that feeling well up inside you.  Remember this experience and associate it with the wonderful sensations you have just tapped into.

Ideally you share your wonderful experience with a few people around you.  This stuff is contagious and your story and wonderful feelings will light up your friends and family too.  This is a great resource for tapping into at any time you want your brain to change it’s thought patterns.  Now you have the wonderful feelings bubbling away inside you go outside into your world and just see how great everything looks!!!

Enjoy your wonderful world

Surely Eve