Dear Dater,

We all seem to be looking for it.  Online dating sites advertise it – finding that SPARK.

Does it exist?  What is it like?  Often it is called chemistry.  I believe sparks stem from mutual attraction.

Relationships that have spark leave you in no doubt.  If you are wondering – Is this Adam going to be the one for me? – then the answer is probably NO.

How can a make a claim like this?

In relationships that start with sparks there is a real connection between you and Adam from the beginning.  This shows up in various ways like:

• chatting extensively before you meet
• having heaps in common
• progressing your relationship because it feels right
• common attraction
• sharing levels of compatibility [Subconscious Eve]

I promise you you’ll know when it happens.

Reading about the chemistry in relationships indicate that sparks occur to allow us to become familiar in a ‘rose coloured glasses’ way – Perhaps blinding us to the ‘reality’ of it all.

I find this rather a negative slant on sparks.  My take is that sparks are definitely real.  I think the ‘rose coloured glasses’ are otherwise known as the ‘honey moon period’.

I think sparks help you build a relationship with the associated feelings of ‘love’ enabling you to overcome differences between you and Adam.  It is like finding love first and dealing with the consequences later.  It is a shame that this initial phase doesn’t last longer.  It is a great shame that in our relationships we don’t seem to take this ‘bridge building’ approach for longer.  Rather online dating seems to mean when the gloss fades we are fast to jump ship and search for more sparks with a new Adam.

Here’s to your sparks flying and you finding ways to keep them alive.

Have you found your bright spark?  Let me know about your sparks flying, how bright they have shined and how long they have lasted.

Surely Eve