Sometimes it is hard to see what you actually have in a relationship. Instead we look at what we wish we had. My heart so wanted more than 4 texts a week and 2 hours together. My head knew the reality was not going to change. It hadn’t changed for 6 months. Why would it change now????
Part of the reason I never had the converstation, during this time, is I didn’t want ‘it’ to end. Forever hoping the reality would change. Enjoying the little time I spent with Adam. But all the while I was noticing things that didn’t add up:
- infrequent texts – often sent around the same time of day
- passing comments about photos sent to other people – but not to me
- no responses to time sensitive texts – like when I was keen and turned up to a date a day early and
- never being invited to Adam’s house.
I recognise all this early on in the ‘relationship’, but my curiosity prolonged our meetings.
At one of my meetings with Adam I thought it was time for the ‘What is this?’ conversation. I read an article where Eve said every time she had a ‘What is this? conversation the Adam ran a mile. I used this as a reason to delay my conversation once again. In the end I realised it was time for this ‘relationship’ to end. Gradually my head won out over my heart – not to mention advice from my friends:
- get in touch with reality
- he’s gay
- jump his bones
- answer the door in the nude
- stalk him and
- he just wants a companion.
Given my track record for postponing the conversation I did what online daters do these days – I sent a text….
Now I have stopped sending texts – so has Adam. I shouldn’t be surprised. Adam didn’t answer too many questions over the last 6 months – why should he start now?
I did want to know what it was I was dealing with: an Adam with a partner; a gay Adam; a workaholic Adam; a friendship only Adam. Now I’ll never know.
What I do know is that 4 texts and 2 hours a week together is not hard to beat.
So the fallout of the online dating way of ‘texted endings – Splitting Cells’ leaves this ending as a slipping away – unresolved – unsatisfactory.
From my perspective this ‘relationship’ had to have an ending. Although the method was not ideal – it is what was required for me. Although I lose the badge of peace in ‘knowing’ I am in a ‘relationship’ – I gain the freedom and integrity to pursue what I deserve – rather than to continue a shell of this illusion.
Finding a new Adam who actually fits me into his life is now what I am now in search of.
When looking at your relationship do an evaluation of how much time and effort is being invested in it. Does your relationship measure up? I certainly hope it does!
May your relationships be fulfulling.