Dear Dater,

Sometimes it is hard to see what you actually have in a relationship.  Instead we look at what we wish we had.  My heart so wanted more than 4 texts a week and 2 hours together.  My head knew the reality was not going to change.  It hadn’t changed for 6 months.  Why would it change now????

Part of the reason I never had the converstation, during this time, is I didn’t want ‘it’ to end.  Forever hoping the reality would change.  Enjoying the little time I spent with Adam.  But all the while I was noticing things that didn’t add up:

• infrequent texts – often sent around the same time of day
• passing comments about photos sent to other people – but not to me
• no responses to time sensitive texts – like when I was keen and turned up to a date a day early and
• never being invited to Adam’s house.

I recognise all this early on in the ‘relationship’, but my curiosity prolonged our meetings.

At one of my meetings with Adam I thought it was time for the ‘What is this?’ conversation.  I read an article where Eve said every time she had a ‘What is this? conversation the Adam ran a mile.  I used this as a reason to delay my conversation once again.  In the end I realised it was time for this ‘relationship’ to end.  Gradually my head won out over my heart – not to mention advice from my friends:

• get in touch with reality
• he’s gay
• jump his bones
• answer the door in the nude
• stalk him and
• he just wants a companion.

Given my track record for postponing the conversation I did what online daters do these days – I sent a text….

Now I have stopped sending texts – so has Adam.  I shouldn’t be surprised.  Adam didn’t answer too many questions over the last 6 months – why should he start now?

I did want to know what it was I was dealing with: an Adam with a partner; a gay Adam; a workaholic Adam; a friendship only Adam.  Now I’ll never know.

What I do know is that 4 texts and 2 hours a week together is not hard to beat.

So the fallout of the online dating way of ‘texted endings – Splitting Cells’ leaves this ending as a slipping away – unresolved – unsatisfactory.

From my perspective this ‘relationship’ had to have an ending.  Although the method was not ideal – it is what was required for me.  Although I lose the badge of peace in ‘knowing’ I am in a ‘relationship’ – I gain the freedom and integrity to pursue what I deserve – rather than to continue a shell of this illusion.

Finding a new Adam who actually fits me into his life is now what I am now in search of.

When looking at your relationship do an evaluation of how much time and effort is being invested in it.  Does your relationship measure up?  I certainly hope it does!

May your relationships be fulfulling.

Surely Eve