Dear Dater,

On my online dating journey, I have increased my senses, and found there are many lenses or filters (ways people see the world – from their perspective).  Adams and Eves use these lenses when dating.  One of the most unfortunate set of lenses I found in one Adam were:

• extreme obligation
• dislike of self-promotion
• martydom –  a belief that there is a requirment to suffer.

This set of lenses resulted in me meeting this Adam 6 or 7 times.  From my perspective, I found Adam interesting, intriguing, considerate and amusing.  As we continued to meet, I sensed that there were other things going on for him.  I wondered if he was meeting me out of obligation,  but I wrote this off, because I had only ever met an Adam 3 times ‘out of obligation’.  This is when I discovered his lenses, as above.

Surely a fundamental part of dating is self-promotion.  The self-promotion doesn’t have to take the form of blowing your own trumpet, but it is very likely to come in the form of making your life interesting.  So being unable to bare listening to the self-promotion along with being unable to stop, due to obligation, is certainly a great recipe for suffering.

Adam seemed to be completely oblivious to my opinion of him, and my reasons for meeting him – because he could only see our meetings through his lense of obligation.

Good news for us all is that we all have our own senses and lenses.

The lenses I try to bring to dates are being:

• interested
• friendly and
• myself.

Being myself is the most important part of dating.  There is no point in putting on a persona or pretending.  It is you and your personality that are going to create a connection with Adam.  Be genuine.

Be aware of your lenses and be yourself.

Surely Eve