When I’m first exchanging messages with Adam, on an online dating website, I find out about his life. It might be: where his family currently live; his interests; or his values. During this initial unveiling, I find myself ‘swanning’ – imagining things that we might do together, or things that I hope Adam does. As part of this day-dreaming I: take myself with Adam and family on holidays; actually plant veggies in my garden; ask my work colleagues what a particular town is like; and plan out a future – aligning my life with Adam’s life.
This swanning can be fun – off on flights of fancy – but then I remind myself that I haven’t even met Adam, (‘S Meeting Time Eve), so perhaps my daydreams of holidays half way around the world are slightly premature.
As I get to know Adam I sometimes find my swanning is way off the mark – he hasn’t visited my swanning holiday destination for years – he hasn’t planted veggies in his life, or – he left that town when he was 2 years old.
Despite this returning to the real world , reality check, I continue to find myself swanning, each time I begin to find out about a new Adam. It’s fun to dream.